We thanked Crikey Almighty for The Bunker this week what with nutters running around with chemical weapons and nerve agents poisoning folk. Appalling behaviour and something we hope is dealt with swiftly. TM The PM did take action of sorts and berated the Leningrad Cowboy giving him a right ticking off. That’ll show him. And the 800 million or so quid donated to her party by Russian oligarchs need not concern us…
We emerged briefly from the bunker this week in order to sample the air and survey the devastation left by the inclement weather. The air was clear and Americana-UK Towers was intact. Whilst out we were reminded that this week saw the annual iteration of International Women’s Day. In many ways we are quite sad that, in 2018, we actually NEED a women’s day and look forward to the time when gender is irrelevant and we can just be who we are. Anyhow we have cast about for suitable tunes to play on our jukebox and think that this will do nicely.
Lately we were horrified to find that Americana-UK Towers had been visited by a host of unwanted visitors. In short we had a vermin problem. Rats. Big ones. Big, horrible nasty, sharp teethed Johnnies with scaly tails and a poor attitude to other people’s personal space. We presented the problem to The Editor and his “brilliant” solution was to send in more rats so that all the rats could kill the rats and then there would be no more rats. We were uncertain of his logic and indeed the state of his mental health so we hired the services of local Pest Controller Donny John who was happy to go in and tackle the problem. So gung ho was he that he insisted in going in without so much as a sharp stick to defend himself. Eventually we persuaded him to at least take a shotgun borrowed from the organic farmer up the road. All was well and the only payment he required was a pint of sweet sherry and a rendition of this on our jukebox.
Oh its all very free and easy down here at Americana-Uk Towers. Given the fact that its cold out we’ve turned the central heating up a notch or two and directed the main blast down to The Bunker so that we can (ironically) chill out in comfort whilst observing the madness of the world over a small beverage. Or a large one _delete as appropriate_ depending on one’s preference. We found it quite funny that The Leader of Her Majesties Loyal Opposition has been accused, in certain quarters, of being what we must understand is a ‘traitor’. A crime which the red-headed Tory broadcaster Andrew Neil rightly pointed out would have held the death penalty. We can only assume that some people are very, very scared and as we all know fear breeds anger. And anger breeds hate. We took it in turns to impersonate the Paul Dacre response but could do no better than this:
Given the inclement weather and the fact that we forgot to buy Our Glorious Leader (The Editor) a Valentine’s Day card we have chosen to repair to The Bunker for a few days to drown our sorrows and wait until the worst of His temper has subsided. We remain connected to the outside world through the regular channels however and news reached us that there has been a right old kerfuffle about the wrong doings of the charity sector with some coming in for particular attention. We like to believe in the inherent goodness of all folk but we also believe that if you abuse your position of help/power/doing right then you are a horrible human being and completely lost to us. On the other hand we can’t help wondering about the vehemence of the right wing press in pursuing certain people and organisations in this matter. A charity came right out and said that capitalism distributes the rewards of market activity inequitably (and by extension is responsible for poverty). The right wing press came right back with one rodney suggesting that socialism was responsible for the desperate poverty inflicted on hundreds of millions (and by extension charity people are all lefties whom we will label ‘sexual abusers’ just to put them in their place). Crikey – it’s a right old mess. Have a listen to this tune which suggests a gentler way of going about handing things out.
This week we have been mostly ruminating on things horological. It is, in the UK at least, one hundred years since (some) men and (some) women got the right to vote. Also we are minded that this year marks the point at which the Berlin Wall has been down as long as it was up. Also someone sent a car into space. Progress we suppose.
Here at Americana-UK Towers we like to think ourselves as being at a certain level of elite without, of course, being elitist. We’ll entertain any old Tom, Dick or Harriet particularly if they are handy with a tune or guitar picking or even, under certain circumstances, harmonica blowing. If the said hoi polloi can pitch up with some fine spirits or decent beer then we can be more than welcoming. We had fun, then, imagining how one of our bacchanalia would go down in Davos – that Swiss place where the ‘great’ and the ‘good’ find themselves every so often in order to discuss the best way forward for the rest of us. Why even Donny John turned up to liven things up (although we suspect he wasn’t fist bumping with our own John MacDonald). Pity we didn’t get an invite but had we done we would immediately have offered to do a DJ set and given pride of place to this little tune which we hope would have given them something to think about. We’re not holding our breath for next year.
We reckon that if you’re going to have a ‘political’ tune then you might as well go for the best. RIP Hugh Masekele.
It’s a helluva time to be working on any kind of building if you happen to be employed by a corporate construction behemoth either directly or subcontractually, we’d have thought. The sprawling pile that is Americana-UK Towers was fortunate enough to be constructed in more enlightened times by a workers cooperative of brickies, navvies, chippies and sparkies – so none of that one hundred and twenty day payment window malarkey. Nope – we coughed up the readies every Friday night in those special little manila envelopes that you used to get with your name written on it in biro (tax and NI deducted at source of course). Oddly it seems that nowadays ‘value for money’ means ‘contract it out of house at all costs’ whether or not it actually makes financial sense. There’s always The Tax Payer and his/her seemingly endlessly deep pocket to bail out a poorly run private concern with a suicidal approach to procurement. We reckon the best thing we can do is build some sort of religious structure, as Bill Munroe suggests here, and pray that things will be alright…
We like a good railway journey. In fact we like it so much that we had a funicular railway installed at Americana-UK Towers so that we could ascend from The Bunker to The Towers in proper style. Its operators, Sayid and Benin, are fully paid up members of the RMT and ASLEF respectively so we can rest assured that we are in good hands Health and Safety wise. Funny thing about the railway(s) in this country is that they are privately operated – funny because publicly owned rail systems in other countries (cf: France, Germany, The Netherlands) invest in ours and yet EU rules state that we aren’t (at present) allowed to nationalise our own. Its also odd that this system actually costs us more than if we owned them as state enterprises. On top of that some of us find it hysterically funny that there’s just been another above inflation hike in rail fares. “Funny”, as we say. On the bright side you can’t find a rabid right wing hate rag of a newspaper to read for love nor money. If you ask us we need a new Railroad Bill to go through Parliament ensuring that the railways are operated in the interests of those who actually use them…i.e. all of us.