Here in Americana-UK Towers we have recently renewed our television licence. It cost us a grand sum of fifty-three quid since The Editor is too tight to let us have a colour TV and we make do with a 66-inch curved screen surround sound job (set to black and white). The £157.50 demand for colour was beyond his ken and since several of our members have lied about their age none of us are seventy-five or over and hence (currently) eligible for a ‘free pass’. Also since we are only visually impaired when blind drunk this applies infrequently (ish). We don’t feel guilty about this. And we don’t see why the right-wing press should feel guilty either in blaming the BBC for their outrageous demand that the frail and elderly stump up out of their paltry state pension for something that should clearly be funded by sacking the lot of the left-wing shower and making them employ small children in the fabrication of fashion garments as a means of income generation.
I mean it’s not as if they always had to do this. The funding of the licence fee was up to the individual until it was decided that the government would do it under some no-mark called Blair and nobody can be doing with that bloke anymore (even his own people) so all is fair in EastEnders, love and war. No matter – the problem has been resolved. The issue with the BBC is that the left don’t like it for its right-wing bias and the right don’t like it for its left-wing bias. In fact nobody likes it because it’s a tax on the woman and man in the street simply because you need the bloody thing just to watch a TV, tablet, phone, computer or any other device just to watch live TV output. Now, at least, we know where we are and what the future holds. Yes – Slim Shady has been announced as the new Director-General of the BBC and, as a demonstrably paid-up Tory, he is clearly a ‘safe pair of hands’.
Already we are seeing, via the Daily Fail and The Daily Excess, that Slim Tim will axe any programme that fails ‘The Test’ (looking at you, you loathsome left-wing comedians with your critical analysis of our proto-fascist government). Well. Bring it on. We for one certainly won’t miss it and its remit to ‘inform, educate and entertain’. Who the fuck wants that shit in this age of enlightenment?
Why doesn’t someone come up with a British version of Fox News where we can really tell it like it is? Why do we keep fucking about?
Oh yeah: “All the papers that matter live off their advertisements, and the advertisers exercise an indirect censorship over news.” (George Orwell)