Intriguing news reached us this week that The Government are planning to introduce some sort of legislation regarding the upholding of free speech in our centres of higher education. There will be some sort of bod sitting on some sort of committee opining some sort of thing that will in some way make sure that some poor wannabe speaker will be allowed to pontificate on some subject or other but isn’t allowed to by some busybody or other. Sounds legit. Sounds ok even when suggested by Wankin Grovellingson, noted Yorkshire Tory and member of the Not Very Bright Club of back to front bench MPs. We are certain that his intentions are honourable and that this isn’t just a ruse to ensure that what used to be known as far-right but are now considered centrist nut jobs get their moment in the spotlight. We aren’t sure how much clamour there was for this move and how necessary it is given that instances of ‘no platforming’ appear to be pretty low but anything that protects free speech can only be a good thing right?
Hell yes. Damn right. Here at Americana-UK Towers we’d actually quite like to know what people are thinking and saying. If we don’t know how can we express an opinion? Obviously it can be tricky – some things some people say can be unpalatable even distressing but we would rather hear it from the horse’s mouth than third hand from a keyboard warrior ensconced in their bedroom with their fingers slipping all over their third-hand iPad Pro because their fingers are covered in anti-acne cream. To illustrate we called a meeting of the Americana-UK Towers coordinating committee together with members of the People’s Republic of Liverpudlia’s debating society down in the village hall. We wanted to canvass opinion, debate the salient facts and get shit-faced on the local tipple (Pudlian Puddle – a sort of bastard son of IPA and faeces). Several folk were invited along but the keynote speaker was Boris ‘Blusterfuck’ Smallhampton, an unassuming chap whose chief achievements in life are a belief in a fictitious deity, a skin the colour of dead lampreys and the founding of The Pudlian Tabernacle Choir and Death Squad whose beliefs include the burning of union members and the no-platforming of people who can talk. The evening went swimmingly as you can imagine and notes were taken by John “Johnny” Johns, the local postmistresses grandson, who is the only person the village with a third-hand iPad and sufficient supply of tissue to wipe his hands.
We won’t bore you with the details of the meeting (suffice to say that several lawyers have now become involved and that allegations of slander and libel are being investigated – much like they would be on any University campus throughout the land if Wankin Grovellingson would just mind his own business). Our conclusion from this experiment is that it is perfectly ok to speak freely but just be prepared to be challenged, rebutted, argued against, insulted, taken to task and, if necessary, humiliated by pure fact of reason. Much like we would expect to be treated. Happy days.