I’ve written before about my father’s increasing dementia and how my mother is his sole carer with a bit of help for a couple of hours a week. Dad is 92, Mum is 87 and fiercely independent. She is also knackered. So this week I have managed to get her to go away with some friends on a coach tour for 5 days leaving the old man in my care. It’s only when you spend 24 hours a day caring for someone that you really begin to understand the full extent of the physical and mental burden that the role exerts. My father is not bed ridden and is able, with assistance, to get about but his memory is about a minute long so everything has to be either done for him or talked through as he does it. Then there’s the dressing, undressing, toilet routine, showering, relentless questioning of where he should be and why wasn’t he going home, the pills and the arguments as he refuses to take them, the confusion over the smallest thing. I have no idea how my mother copes. And then there is the other side.
The smiles as we drink wine (his alcohol free or he goes tonto) and watch the sun go down over the small garden, the laughs as we play dominos very badly, the genuine thanks as I undress him ready for bed, the gentle pat of his hand on the dog as it nuzzles his leg. And the closeness of our relationship despite me having left home 45 years ago, it is for the most part unspoken but we both feel it in every small interaction. On reflection this is part of how my mother copes, this, and the relentless listening to thrash metal! Gawd bless ’em both.
In order to give Dad a break from thrash I’ve been playing some lovely stuff; first up a great track from My Girl The River‘s new album which I saw her launch at a beautiful gig last week and then some Indigo Girls just because it’s been a while since I listened to them. The radio show is a blast this week with something for everyone including three from Sparklehorse as well as new one from Amy Rigby, some Small Town Jones, Waxahatchee, Neil Young, Ane Brun and much more. As usual take what you want or need.
