Hayfitz “What’s Wrong” – everything, just everything

Photo: Sam Cope

On this distinctly lo-fi and somber song Hayfitz reveals a heart that is falling apart, and falling apart just where they’d rather it wasn’t: “Fuck there it goes / I’m crying right in front of you / You’re seeing every bit of me / I don’t wanna hide from you / Fuck I’m frantic.”  And on it goes, pouring out pain and self-hate and it’s horrible – but it’s so humanly connectable too.

It draws from truth, as Hayfitz explains: “‘What’s Wrong’ is one of those songs that’s difficult for me to listen back to now. I wrote it about a moment when I had hit this fork in the road of accepting that, eventually, I was going to have to come to terms with my queerness and stop letting it torment me and drive me towards making unhealthy decisions for myself and those around me. This is the very first song I’ve written about my Mom which also raised the emotional stakes tenfold. She is an incredibly intuitive person (as most moms tend to be) and even though I could feel that she would accept and be there for me no matter what, I couldn’t bring myself to actually admit it to her out loud. That friction created one of the most anxious and turbulent moments I’ve ever experienced and we tried to really capture that same friction on the recording and with the super 8mm video.  

It wasn’t until a few more months after this car meltdown that I did end up coming out to my Mom and she, as expected, was as loving and supportive as utterly possible. She is a damn saint through and through and that’s the essence that we wanted to capture for the second half of the song – that release and relief of finally being able to move forward together with a stronger knowing and understanding of one another.

I can’t put into words how lucky I am to have such accepting and supportive parents, especially knowing that so many queer people have to suffer through getting pushed out of their families, neglected, and treated inhumanely. And even beyond parents we always have to be coming out to new people throughout our whole lives and it’s never a guarantee that it will go well. So I hope this song may resonate and be an outlet for those struggling with the near impossible task of coming to full terms of their sexuality and identity and navigating how to purely exist comfortably in the world as queer people.

 

 

About Jonathan Aird 2747 Articles
Sure, I could climb high in a tree, or go to Skye on my holiday. I could be happy. All I really want is the excitement of first hearing The Byrds, the amazement of decades of Dylan's music, or the thrill of seeing a band like The Long Ryders live. That's not much to ask, is it?
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