Our regular reader is up to speed but in case you missed it we here at Americana-UK Towers are holding our decennial election and it is all going swimmingly. We are fully convinced that the incumbent is going to win and everybody is down with that. Indeed Sven and Abdullah, the minimum waged Estonian and Eritrean émigrés who attend to the dying autumn flower beds in the grounds, were so impressed with our glorious leader’s hustings that even they were convinced that he was going to win. And they don’t even know his name. Now that’s impressive.
We did come across a small bluebottle in the Germolene however. Our man Niggle ‘Purple” Garage, Head of Corporate Affairs and Chief Wanker has reneged on his promise just to be concerned with tickling his own fanny and has determined that he will interfere in the election. To wit he will no longer be putting up certain representatives in The Decennial (and indeed will be withdrawing most of them) in order that The Challenger – Boz The Turk (aka Boz The Swivelled Eye Loon, Blonde Boz, Boz The Usurper and Boz The Actual Cuntareyouserious) – will have a better chance of victory. We were momentarily perplexed but have run the figures by Aunty Beeb in accounts and she assures us that, in all good faith and in line with her job description, these were but idle threats and that we should just run along like good children and not bother our silly little heads with things that don’t concern us. We were somewhat unconvinced by this but we were bought up not to challenge Aunty so therefore we have fully endorsed her position.
To be fair we have long thought that the position in question was missionary but what do we know? Indeed we know nothing and were quite happy to go on our merry way thinking that dog was in his heaven and all was right with the world. Sadly we had one of those late night ‘pickle sandwiches’ and realised that in fact were, in fact, trying to fuck our private arseholes with or without our permission. Indeed Niggle even said to Boz :”You go first, Sir”. Who’d have thunk it, huh?