I have talked several times in these articles about my father and his descent into dementia. He now resides in a care home, which has, in turn, released my mother (87) from fifteen years of increasing servitude. She is almost reborn, such is her energy, although I suspect some of it is displacement activity. However, my old man has become exactly that: a very old man. Most points of reference were wiped out at a stroke as he moved into the very caring care home. Suddenly, there was no favourite chair or familiar smell, no dog to avoid, and no constant management from his partner of 65 years. This proved to be the trigger for a very sharp cognitive and physical decline. Despite encouragement and support, he had ceased to be mobile, and his powers of communication followed his motor skills quickly out the door.
Back in 2008, Dad signed a living will stating that in the event of mental incapacity, he did not want any medical interventions that prolonged life, only those that prevented pain or suffering. So here’s the thing. He’s taken Dylan Thomas’ words to heart and is indeed raging against the dying of the light, and despite everything, he is still physically strong and mentally stubborn. I visited yesterday, and everyone was very concerned. He was not very well at all. I sat with him for a while, and then when he dozed, I spoke to the brilliant nurses at the station. During the conversation, there suddenly went up the shout
“Eric’s doing a runner!”
In the time I had left the room, Dad had woken up, heaved himself out of bed, somehow balanced himself after not walking for a couple of weeks, and was heading for the door! Of course, it was a momentary thing, and he was soon unable to stand or sit up, but he’s still got a massive life force inside. I do know he wouldn’t want to be a burden to anyone; he was a vet for 50 years, and he’d be the first to say that if he were a horse, he should be shot. I completely respect his living will decision, as do the care home, but the end may be a long road yet. Should there be an easier way? My father’s situation has only increased my feelings that I would “head for Switzerland” the moment I knew the game was up.
But of course it’s the knowing that’s the key…
Saw Ryan Davis and the Roadhouse band last week in a brilliant venue in Cambridge (video from the actual gig!), so there’s got to be some of them this week, and news reaches us of the new Mavis Staples song, a cover of a Kevin Morby song – all boxes ticked! The radio show features some Native Harrow, Borrowed Books, Van, Stephen Stills, Mike Farris, and much more. As ever…
