Essentials: The Top Ten Songs About Kings by Elvis Costello

Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was an irascible, canny king. He was known for his illimitable desire for knowledge about all things artistic and his innate sense of musicality with which he would paint sonic pictures of his wondrous arrangements and compositions. He was, however, contentious at times and known to scoff at any of the talented musicians among his subjects, reserving even harsher derision for the uncultured rock bands in tribal colonies to the West across the Acerbic Sea.

As is the custom of the land, upon being crowned as the successor to the throne the new king takes the name of a musical saint from antediluvian times. The man who would be king chose the name King Elvis II. As the years went by, the king wrote many songs about royalty, more often than not about kings. He demanded that his songs rise to the top of the charts, and the people became frightened of him. They knew if they were caught not dancing to his songs, they would be severely punished and forced to listen to the king’s all covers album, “Kojak Variety”. This was recorded during his younger years when the king wanted to show he could improve on popular tunes by musicians of the Free Folk, who were settlers in the tundra of The North beyond the boundaries of the kingdom.

These songs were sung by musicians with cryptic names such as Dylan (sometimes Zimmerman), Richard the Little, Queen Aretha of Soul, the Kink Brothers, Black Cilla, Jay the Screamer and The Randy Men. Their outlawed records were passed around as bootlegs. Seemingly oblivious except when angered, King Elvis II would continue to write more and more songs about kings.

There came a time when the king sent ships across the Acerbic Sea to conquer the land of the New World. He found it pleasing and referred to this new land as America the Beautiful. He declared himself the King of America, proclaiming, “I am the king of all of you see / The timid land / The unknown sea / And all that lies between”. The capital was established in the city of Washington or D.C., named for his eldest son Declan Costello. The king had a passion for travelling to a southern city filled with music and ribald games. He was infatuated with the practice of busking and felt so at ease there he renamed the city Nola after his beautiful daughter. The people of America learned the proper way to address the king was “Your Grace”. When he had his castle built in the city of Memphis, it was called “Graceland.” All was well.

As tribute, we now present The Top Ten Songs About Kings by Elvis Costello.

Number 10: ‘King of Confidence’ (“The Costello Show”, 1986)

“Love is short and painful, all you kind ladies and gents / I spent years and a couple of days as the King of Confidence”.

The vagaries of love and relationships are examined by Costello whose protagonist is a woman who has become entangled with a charismatic individual, the “King of Confidence”. At first, the man is a confidant to the woman, a shoulder to cry on. The confidant then becomes her lover. However, it is soon clear that this is a façade designed to conceal the truth that even though he claims to know what she truly needs, it’s more about what he wants from her. As she paints lines and shadows on her face, it serves as a poignant metaphor for the masks we wear to hide our true emotions. The lyrics delve into the complexities of love, trust, and the difficulties of maintaining a relationship when one practices the art of deception.

Number 9: ‘King of the Unknown Sea’ (“The Juliet Letters”, 2006 bonus disc)

“I am the king of all of you see / The timid land / The unknown sea / And all that lies between”.

Costello met the members of the Brodsky Quartet in London when they were performing the complete set of Shostakovich quartets. They went out for lunch. “We started talking about doing something together as a quintet – something other than just attaching a string quartet to a pop song like a varnish”. And with that, the guitars and drums of the Attractions were replaced by violins, viola and cello. Costello took lessons to learn to play piano better.

The lyrics are rich in imagery, depicting a mysterious and surreal world beneath the sea, where broken ships, skulls, and gold coins lie. The narrator proposes to be king of this vast and unknown realm, calling out as a mermaid would to those who are tired and battered by ocean storms, offering an end to their suffering to draw these poor sailors to their deaths. Towards the end a woman stranded on a slip of sand is introduced, her whispered prayers to be rescued representing hope in the most dismal of circumstances.

Number 8: ‘I’ll Wear It Proudly’ (“King of America”, 1986)

“Well, I finally found someone to turn me upside down / And nail my feet up where my head should be / If they had a King of Fools then I could wear that crown / And you can all die laughing because I’ll wear it proudly”.

This country song could be seen as Costello’s take on the George Jones-Tammy Wynette marriage. During the time of the recording, he was married to Cait O’Riordan, who was bassist for The Pogues. Both had severe drinking problems that ultimately ended the marriage. O’Riordan suffered from depression while Costello proposed that he stayed in the marriage to punish himself. Back to the song, the narrator claims an obsessive desire to be with a lover who inflicts great pain but leaving her would cause him ridicule from wearing the crown of the king of fools. “But in shameless moments you made more of me than just a mess”.

I could be wrong but it seems that the narrator finally kills his lover, leaving clues in the lyrics – he sets fire to the room, flaming curtains, the room is awfully warm, the bell (fire alarm) rang out. “The bloody big bed of mine” is where the deed is done, and “blue with fright” could represent the flashing lights of a police car.

Number 7: ‘King Horse’ (“Get Happy”, 1980)

“Now I know that you’re all King Horse / Between tenderness and brute force”.

Again, Costello hooks up with the wrong woman, engaging in two ongoing affairs separated by 7 years with rock groupie and Playboy Playmate Bebe Buell, who ended up stalking him. He recorded “Get Happy” with the Attractions during the three years in between affairs.

This is one of Costello’s more vague songs although there is not much doubt the title refers to heroin and other references are to sex – “Meanwhile back in some secluded spot / He says ‘will you please?’ and she says ‘stop’ / If I ever lose this good thing that I’ve got.” But there’s also this cartoonish thing with perhaps men at a strip club depicted as stallions (“at a cheap strip club / ‘Teased up by a strip cartoon”). It’s about boys on the prowl looking for tawdry sex.

Number 6: ‘Brilliant Mistake’ (“King of America”, 1986)

“He thought he was the King of America / Where they pour Coca Cola just like vintage wine”.

This is from an interview EC did with a music magazine back at the time: “‘Brilliant Mistake’ is a sad song, but it’s also sort of funny. It’s about America and lost ambition, not lack of inspiration. It’s about a disappointed or frustrated belief. It’s a song that people are going to read wrong. One line in it is, “There’s a trick they do with mirrors and with chemicals”. It means celluloid and mirrors, movie cameras. It occurred to me the other day that people will think it’s a reference to cocaine.”

“I was a fine idea at the time / Now I’m a brilliant mistake” The “I” is a substitute for America, but it was Costello who made a whopper of a mistake, getting liquored up in a Columbus, Ohio bar and squawking like a cartoon duck about everything wrong with the U.S.

The mirror is also what the press holds up to celebrities when they make a “brilliant mistake” as Costello did by using the “n-word” in putting down James Brown and Ray Charles, then summing it up by saying: “I hate America. We just come here for the money”. Bonnie Bramlett, who was singing with Stephen Stills’ band at the time, took offence and slapped Costello. “He cursed in my face, my country, my money and my mentors”, Bramlett said. “And that’s why he got his ass kicked”.

Jerry Scheff, who played in the TCB band, the very same one that backed the original Elvis (Presley), gets the song going with a sweet jazz-style bass run before multi-tracked acoustic guitars kick in. The song also features an accordion solo by T-Bone Wolk.

Number 5: ‘How Deep Is the Red?’ (“Secret, Profane & Sugarcane”, 2009)

“Is this not a pretty tale? Is this not a riddle? / A bow shoots arrows through the air / A bow drags notes from a fiddle / But who is the beau of a young girl’s heart? / That a king may send to battle”.

This was off Costello’s first primarily acoustic album since “King of America,” and featured some of Nashville’s most highly regarded session musicians: Jerry Douglas (dobro), Stuart Duncan (fiddle), Mike Compton (mandolin), Jeff Taylor (accordion) and Dennis Crouch (double bass). The album title is a reference to “The Secret Songs,” Costello’s unfinished commission for the Royal Danish Opera about the life of Hans Christian Andersen.

Two of the songs were about Andersen’s relationship with the world-famous singer, Jenny Lind (‘She Handed Me A Mirror’ and ‘How Deep Is the Red?’). Costello explores themes of love, sacrifice, and the depth of redemption, using vivid imagery and metaphor to convey the intensity and significance of these concepts. The central question of the song is the idea of love and loyalty in the face of conflict as the king sends the young girl’s beau to war. It asks who the person is that can capture a young girl’s heart, yet be sent into battle by a king. It’s the choice between love and duty. In the closing lines, the repetition of “How deep is the red?” emphasizes the profound nature of sacrifice by the soldier.

Number 4: ‘Little Palaces’ (“King of America”, 1986)

“To be the heir apparent / to the kingdom of the invisible”.

Costello plays mandolin on this folk ballad that describes the perils of a working-class family who heap abuse on their children to express their frustrations with what life has brought them. The “little palaces” refer to the high-rise blocks of flats erected with such high hopes in 1980s Britain, but which since have proved to be highly disastrous.

He calls the place “Chocolate Town,” where all the trains are painted brown, and the silver paper in which chocolate candies are wrapped represents a superficial façade covering up dark events in this sombre place. A dapper little man twisting a wax moustache with his nicotine-stained fingers is a character who manipulates and corrupts people. His ominous presence is portrayed as a rat in someone’s bedroom.

EC’s father was born in a model house which the Cadbury Chocolate Company built for their factory workers. In ‘The Adventure of the Dancing Men,’ a Sherlock Holmes story by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the author describes, “A dapper little man, with a quick, alert manner and a waxed moustache”.

The “little palaces” could also hint at the dismantling of the hopes and dreams of the families in the town, forcing them to move away. The consequences of all these misdeeds lands on the children, of course, as they inherit their parents’ misery, “You knock the kids about a bit, because they’ve got your name”. Buried beneath the cynicism and despair lies a call to act.

Number 3: ‘Any King’s Shilling’ (“Spike “, 1989)

“I can’t say more it would be telling / For if you don’t what will become of you / Just isn’t worth any king’s shilling”.

This is a doleful, Celtic-influenced track that features uilleann pipes. It’s a plaintive tale of sectarianism, concerning a republican rebel warning an Irish member of the British army not to put on his uniform for fear of his life.

In a magazine interview, Costello asserted the song was a true story about his grandfather, s first-generation immigrant from Ireland. “It’s something that happened here in Dublin to my grandfather, or so he told. When his father was murdered, he was orphaned in Birkenhead and after he left that he was put in the army, which is a fairly logical progression for an orphan. And then the first world war came and he was sent to France where he was badly wounded. After convalescing, he was out from fighting and was stationed in Dublin. It was one of probably many ironies, sort of in the wrong uniform on the wrong side at the wrong time.”

Number 2: ‘Bullets for the Newborn King’ (“National Ransom”, 2010)

“O my eyes were filled with tears that were stinging / After our assassin’s work was done / But hands and bells are only there for the wringing / As we were bringing bullets for the new-born king”.

The song appears to be rooted in Catholicism, offering cynicism in what faith and the confessional have for value. “No one looks in this place for motive or any hope / But for the dead shot of an amber glass / The blue light of a votive”. The song could be seen as amounting to a confession to a priest before drinking wine from the chalice (“voodoo vial”).

It contrasts a deep reverence with a rigorous atheistic gusto, exemplifying Costello’s attitude toward religion as a sordid betrayal. The stripped-down music only serves to cast a haunting shadow over the song. Instead of the Christ child, the newborn king is a dictator whose assassins are doing his dirty work to take power from his rival. The thought that a newborn might be murdered throws the listener for a loop like receiving a ransom note. It’s a haunting reminder of the depths some people are prepared to sink to hold on to power.

Number 1: ‘King of Thieves’ (“Punch the Clock”, 1983)

“This is the coronation of the king of thieves / His occupation is the king of thieves / He can steal more than you can save / You can take him on, but you`re not that brave”.

This was one of the songs on an underappreciated album by Elvis Costello & The Attractions. It is a commentary on the corrupt power structures present in society. The case of the three pins is assumed to be a reference to a real-life case of the same name where three thieves were able to get away with stealing precious jewels. The narrator tries to sell the idea that he forgot about the case until a parcel arrives on his doorstep, and he recognizes his handwriting on the package, proving he was involved in the heist. “If I were you, I’d change my name again” is advice to the narrator that he should get in the wind.

The sin of gluttony comes into play as the narrator steals more than he could possibly spend, but he is devastated when the people above him toy with the fate of a young girl as a warning. He capitulates in the end and will continue to be part of the corrupt system.