Last week, regular readers will remember, we were visited by our friend BOB (Bored of Brexit as he styles himself) much to our consternation and chagrin. This week he returned somehow managing to avoid the man-traps (or person-traps) and rabid dogs of Americana-UK Towers which usually serve as our security system. Presenting himself at the cast iron, quadruple locked doors of The Bunker he banged away for a full ten minutes until he attracted the attention of the least drunk of us. Sadly that particular member of staff (no longer extant) decided to let him in. The ensuing conversation wasn’t pretty but it was a full and frank exchange of ideas and followed this general pattern:
Firstly, being writers for a website of international repute, we reminded Bob that his nickname should actually be Bored WITH Brexit since that would be grammatically correct. We are nothing if not pedantic to the extreme.
Secondly we expressed our view that we hold most politicians in contempt. How refreshing, we observed, that parliament voted to hold the government in contempt.
Thirdly we noted that PM Terry Might was a dead loss in the negotiating stakes principally because she didn’t believe in the thing that she was negotiating.
Fourthly we noted that Red Jez probably wasn’t the best person to argue with that because he, on principle, has been implacably opposed to it (whatever ‘it’ is) for most of his political career.
Fifthly we delighted in the fact that Rees-Moggy-Mog has probably shot his bolt and that his influence has been diminished in similar fashion to the European Research Group. We used a vermin control company once which called itself ‘Ratz versus Batz’. They forgot that bats are a protected species.
Sixthly we opined that nobody, literally no fucker, thought that the EU experiment was a good idea.
Seventhly we opined that nobody, literally no fucker, thought that leaving the EU was a good idea.
Eighthly we were sick on our shoes stumbling to the toilet.
Ninthly we told Bob that we were going to hang, draw and quarter him because he irritated us more than political correspondent Draw-us-an Iceberg’s supposed impartiality.
Tenthly, having relented on the inhuman punishment which we had intended, we let Bob go with a mere sting on his arse in the shape of our size ten boot. It left a nice impression which can be quantified thus: Come back and speak to us when you can find a solution to the problems which neo-liberalism has created for the world. Come back when the rich and the poor can look one another in the eye and say that they are equal. Come back when we know that the planet is safe for ours and every other species. Come back when you’ve got a solution to it all. Here’s hoping…