This week sees the 70th anniversary of the founding of The People’s Republic of China and we here in The People’s Republic of Liverpudlia thought we would celebrate our fellow People’s Republic’s birthday with lanterns, some dragon costumes and double egg fried rice and sweet and sour sauce all round. It was a great party and we got up to all sorts of shenanigans after a few rice wines (actually we substituted with dry sherry) and the donning of riot gear to beat up some hapless local musicians. Our parade of military hardware was especially good but, since we didn’t have any tanks, intercontinental ballistic missiles or jack-booted soldiers toting high velocity rifles, we made good with our stock-in-trade withering one-liners, cleverly thought out puns and music-journalistic put-downs.
Indeed at one point some geezer carrying a couple of plastic bags got in the way of a particularly brutal literary critique and was never heard from again. If we had to pick we would say that the highlight might have been the telephone call between our two glorious leaders – Xi Jinping on their side and U Fuk Wot from ours. We can’t release the (confidential) transcript of the said conversation but rest assured that our Glorious Leader held his own and, generously, offered to hold Xi’s. Why the line went abruptly dead after that remains a mystery and we steadfastly refuse to speculate. Rest assured that we are looking into the matter and being world leaders in telecommunications (running a website like this isn’t easy y’know) we expect answers very shortly.
Post anniversary celebrations were somewhat marred when a passing foreign journalist copped one in the eye and a young fellah in our annexed territory of Wir Al was shot in the chest for daring to suggest that we should fuck right off and mind our own business. These things happen and we remain positive and upbeat. If you don’t hear from us again in the Political Pops section then you can rest assured that it will have been a purely commercial decision and no harm has come to anyone.
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