This week sees your humble correspondent and his encumbrance being treated to an outing in the wilds of the People’s Republic of Liverpudlia. The Editor, in a highly unusual display of largesse and munificence, has insisted that we sample the cultural highlights of the desolate North (possibly on his dollar but we’ll see about that).
Traditionally such frolics have been visited on those who have later been taken out and shot for displeasing The All Powerful One (a grammatical error in a review here, an incorrectly formatted album title there). We’ll let you know how we get on but if there is no Political Pops next week then assume the worst. Of course our trip out is reliant on the fact that we can actually get there. Getting about in this country is overseen by The Blues very own Dystoper Graylord, Minister for Transport, and his track (I have no intention of saying ‘pun intended’ here because that would be crass) record is patchy to say the least.
Dystoper Graylord is an interesting character – by which we mean, of course, that he has all the charisma of a damp towel. He once worked for the BBC (awkward) and was a fully paid up member of The Social Democratic Party (awkward) before they merged with The Liberals. He’s had many jobs in Cabinet and Shadow Cabinet including the gigs at Work and Pensions and Justice. He also claimed expenses for a flat that was seventeen miles from his formal home and likened Manchester’s Moss Side to a war zone. As far as we can see, however, his crowning glory was to say that fundamentalist Christian hotel owners should have the right to turn away gay customers. Top work Dystoper.
All of this pales into insignificance, though, since news has broken that it was on his watch that the company Seaborne Freight was awarded a contract to bring in ‘stuff’ to the newly rechristened Third World United Kingdom from the very First World European Union in the event that ‘It’ (life as we know it) goes to shit because of his prime minister’s incompetence in negotiating the simplest of divorces. Dystoper, presumably due to his light-hearted and playful outlook on life, thought that it would be a good idea to give a ferry contract to a company without any experience of running ferries or without any extant infrastructure or without any, y’know, ferries. Moreover that company was backed by an Irish (awkward) company. Top work indeed.