Hell in a Handcart – get back in your box

This post was written before the Makerfield by-election. We have no idea what’s going to happen so if this is all too painful to read on Friday morning, swiftly move on.

“In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act“, George Orwell.

Over here at Americana-UK Towers, we are eagerly awaiting the launch of the next ‘UK’ party. Such launches always provide mirth to us, iconoclasts in our little bubble of a People’s Republic and are treated with an odd mix of derision, mockery and contempt. We do of course recognise that the right to free speech is sacrosanct and that even the hard of thinking are perfectly entitled to espouse their views. In fact, we encourage it because, far from living in an echo chamber, we are keen and eager to know what it is that they are saying. That way we are fore-armed in counterargument and contrary debate. Thus far we have Reform UK and Restore UK. We are hotly anticipating Retard UK (they’d be fireproof) and Refund UK (a niche but important bunch who advocate paying taxes back to billionaires who feel that they haven’t gotten value for money out of ‘the system’). Reports have reached our ears of a possible Reignite UK, but a probable legal injunction from Retard UK involving a health-and-safety fire risk may well have put the kibosh on that. Indeed, talking of legal challenges, it has been mooted in the upper echelons of our own organisation that anything suffixed with ‘UK’ is copyright to us and that we could explore the possibility of suing for breach of said copyright. That could be fun.

Anyway, for now we have been looking at ‘legends in their own lunchtime’ Restore UK and their mighty and awe-inspiring leader, a certain Rupert Lowe, MP for Great Yarmouth. We must assume that the ‘great’ in Yarmouth is, like the ‘great’ in Great Britain, a geographical term meaning a larger entity. To explain: Great Britain is so called to distinguish it from Brittany (or small, lesser or little Britain; history buffs will remember that much of France ‘belonged’ to these islands or at the least the monarch at the time) much like Manchester and Greater Manchester or London and Greater London. We assume that somewhere there must be a Lesser Yarmouth or a Little Yarmouth or possibly an Inferior Yarmouth. With the greatest of respect to the residents of yon seaside town, I’ve been there, and it’s the only explanation I can think of. Let’s say that, as a destination, it wasn’t to my taste, and the fact that they have a man of the calibre of Rupert Lowe as their MP is entirely their own fault (recognising that he wasn’t elected for Restore UK but for Reform UK). Snobbish? Well, as a young boy my father taught me how to knot a handkerchief and wear it on one’s head (it was his go-to head apparel to protect his thinning hair on the building sites that he used to work on) and I have been utilising the same fashion statement ever since on visits to the coast, often without any sense of irony.

To cut to the chase, Rupert has of late been demanding all sorts of things. An end to “Bullshit” degrees stood out for us. Now, a university education isn’t the waste of time that many of the swivel-eyed persuasion would have us believe. It’s true that the promise of a university education was touted as a way and means of getting better employment prospects, but that was championed by Tony Blair, who had youth unemployment figures to massage and wanted young idle folk to do something other than appear on the spreadsheet that made his ‘performance’ look bad. “Get yourself to university and get off my unemployment statistics” was the underlying message. Obviously it was couched in terms of giving the disadvantaged a better chance; what an incredible conceit. But that’s for another time. What we need to concentrate on here is what the message is. The message is this: ‘Don’t bother with university, go out and get a trade and be useful to society. Make things, fix things and enable things to work’. Naturally we need makers, fixers and enablers. That much is obvious. But who does such work? Where are they? Do we value them? Should they be protected in the valuable work that they do? Personally, yes, I do value such folk. I am such folk. Got an education, got a job, got a sense of responsibility; much like you, dear reader. But in Rupert we have a much more sinister apparition. Rupert Lowe is a multi-millionaire. He came from ‘money’ and has made more money. He had a private education paid for privately. In so far as I can tell, he hasn’t had to want for anything, ever. For him to stand on his platform and demand that people don’t need a university education and should, paraphrasing, get out there and learn how to be a plumber, is desperate. University education isn’t about ‘training’ you to do anything. It’s about opening minds, promoting critical thinking and being able to bring questions to the table. Therein lies the problem; what does a multi-millionaire care about what you think? Leaving The Honourable Member for Great Yarmouth aside, let’s look at the bigger picture. The guy does what he does, and if he’s happy in his own skin, then so be it. But the increasing problem is that we are, as a populace, being told not only what to do but what to think. Obviously, I almost feel embarrassed in pointing it out; this has always been the case. The class system is still in full vigour. There have been certain points in history where it looked like the status quo might have been called into question and moments where things might have promised a sunny upland of future prosperity for all. Exciting times for sure. Until we remember that those who have the money keep the money. Those without the money will never have it. And, should you be given the opportunity to question this state of affairs, you will in no uncertain terms be told to get back in your box. You peasant. Stop thinking. Do as you are told. How is that even possible at this stage of human evolution?

Maybe we should just start thinking for ourselves. Maybe people should be treated as assets, not encumbrances. What if, silly me, we should maybe come together and make things better for all of us without regard to how much money we have invested as individuals? And we will still have room for rocket science.